So what is going on? Rationally speaking, everything’s been going well. The tournaments are almost over; god has given me a second opportunity in softtennis and KMU Open to regain my confidence and reward. The softtennis was just perfect for what I needed; another chance to prove and to pay back old debts from the past. During the process, I got to know Bigsoft much better, and the tournament served as important real-deal experiences for my teammates, so yeah it was defnitely a grace. Then came the KMUOpen. Never had I thought could I be receiving the trophy from the Division I series. 4 years ago I was happy to receive 2nd with Dietcoke in Division II. 2 years ago when I first participated in Division I, I received the 3rd place in doubles with "the bull" and I thought that was as much as I could get. Then last year ShuanKang and I came second, losing to Lil’ White and his pal WenJe. This year, in Singles, with poor condition and nearly no feel for the "hard" ball…god just granted the chances to me. I basically just rolled around in the over 100 F weather and made everyone not named Lil’White go to work. Even the draw in the quarter finals was some kind of luck for me… I was on a different side from Lil’White, eventaully meeting him in the finals that was never played. More than happy thou, profoundly graceful.
So, back to the point, what went wrong? I don’t know. It really was one of those times when everything clicks and yet the man, Myself, still isn’t satisfied. Last time this type of emotion coming around was during the Bamfield trip back in 2001, when Carina/Max/Morgan were still my best pals. We were supposely having the time of our lives on one of the most exotic species rich location in the world, rewarding ourselves from all the difficult AP lessons we had to take with the best atmosphere and environment. Yet I was low…way down in the bottom. So down that Malcom Howard came to me and said "Hans, if you ever had that thought crossed your mind again, you come and speak to me." Man. Was it the same situation all over again? Carina, Nick, David, Matt? Falling over issues that had never actually occured? Why do they sound so familiar? or heck, which stage am I now? Is there more to come?
MAN… today I sort of understood why could "being-drawned-by-work" be a good thing; that’s how I get over the day today. And look what I’ve accomplished despite of the sentiment.
Lin A ma le…I really hope this will be over soon.