Grinding & Winding

Recently I’ve
either witnessed or heard about the effect of graduated studies on the people I
know; the winding and grinding have certainly been doing the toll. Tough life
it is. It really puts a cloud over the mind and makes me wonder when my time
will come. I have not experienced all those grinding ever since the general
university entrance examination period, when too much was at stake yet little
time was given for me to put things into control. Reflecting back, I am not
sure if things would have been different if a more complete schedule was given,
but I probably would have felt more accomplished and certain. Once I got into
KMUSM, there was just too little insecurity for me to concern. The only problem
I had was the long-ass semesters, my mind had and probably still has in
evidently taken the toll. However, there were just too many, especially the
freshman and sophomores, doubtful and panicking minds to go unnoticed.
Furthermore, there were also juniors and seniors concerning over what to do
with their future and graduated school entrance examinations. All question
marks.

        So
from these issues, two of the biggest troublesome elements I can observe are
uncertainty and grinding. When I say grinding it does not imply a hard day like
the Beatles where you can sleep like a log, I am referring to the
long-semesters, never-ending Pascal in the air, and the
“where-have-my-weekends-gone” loading. Few have survived smooth-sailing.
Normally my issue rises from the grinding aspect because I am a believer in
full-throttle & rest, not “pitch-until-sore-and-here-is-a-pit-stop.” Unfortunate
the latter seemed to be the stereotype impression of a “harsh” lab that I have
thrived for, so I would just have to cope with it. More seriously, the one that
I’m unfamiliar with is uncertainty. I could still remember clearly when Max and
I had the argument of taking risks, as I strongly hold that risks should always
be minimized, or even avoided. (As I eventually learned in business my attitude
could probably at best earn my self one grocery store similar to a 7-11 scale.
There is hardly any risk.) Although I have come to realize the necessity of it,
that steadfast “solid as a rock” mentality still lives in me. No matter how emotionally
prepared am I to face the unknown future, that “floating” sensation still clang
onto my back, firmly and perceptibly.

        What
can I do now? I have not even received a student ID yet; the grindings have yet
to begun officially. Two years, by my standard, probably is not long enough to
impose real threat. With the progress that I am making right now for
adjustment, I could with a bit of luck setup a routine to live through it. The
bigger concern lies in the uncertainty. I have not been so unsure for this
long. Surprisingly that almost seemed like a culture here for the Master’s
students, not securing about this and that. That ain’t me. As one of the most
common scientific questions of all time puts it, “what is the question (that)
you want to ask?” And top that with Tang’s slogan, “always ask important
questions.” Damn Tang! What is an important question? By your standard, that perhaps
implies to high Impact Factor answers, but what about the root of lab members’
unhappy souls?

        I
have not got a clear question to my uncertainty yet. The picture is getting
clearer so I know that I’m evolving and sooner or later the cloud is gonna fade
away. On top of that I believe I have the upper hand due to my fearless
attitude. After smooth-sailing in KMU, this is the type of task I’ve been
craving for, this is the challenge have been preparing to battle.

 

So let it come. Strong will never dies.

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